National Poetry Writing Month is officially over, and along with a feeling of happiness that I completed the challenge, there is also a bit of sadness. Sure, I can write more poetry. I can write poetry every day if I’d like. I’m sad to see the end of NaPoWriMo because it’s back to reality for me.
You see, when I first decided to undertake the challenge of NaPoWriMo, I was awash in guilt that I hadn’t worked on my novels in so long. I’d missed self-imposed deadline after deadline, and every day that went by that I didn’t write just added to my guilt. And blogging? Don’t even get me started on that. Most of my posts were reblogs, and those that were original were few and far between.
On April 1st, I made a deal with myself – I would write poetry for the entire month of April. Just poetry. I wouldn’t work on my novels. I wouldn’t feel guilty about not working on my novels. Because April was all about poetry.
It worked! I wrote poetry nearly every single day in April. I barely thought about my novels at all, and when I did, it was without guilt. My guilt over blogging was gone too, because thanks to NaPo, I was blogging nearly every day. Best part was, I felt like a writer again. I was writing every day. It might have been just a hastily thrown together Haiku, but it was something.
Now it’s May and the guilt is back. Well, not so much guilt, but confusion. I don’t know what to do. It’s really hard to pick up where I left off in a half-finished novel I abandoned last year. I’m reluctant to start a new project because what if it ends up getting abandoned just like all the other stuff I didn’t finish?
What do I do? I think I’ll go back to writing poetry. I don’t see the point in forcing myself to write fiction if I’m not feeling it. Maybe I have a crappy work ethic, or maybe I’m not taking my writing seriously enough. I don’t know. But I do know this – Guilt leads to depression and I really don’t want to go down that road again.
So, expect to see more poetry on this blog. Expect to see rambling posts that have absolutely nothing to do with writing. And, eventually, you can expect to see an announcement that I’ve completed a new book. I’ll get back to my novels. I always do.